By Tom Still
MADISON – A source close to the toy industry has once again
leaked a copy of Santa’s perks list for Wisconsin politicians and newsmakers.
Here’s what the good boys and girls in Madison and Washington will reportedly
find in their stockings this Christmas. But they better not pout and they
better not cry if an alert district attorney asks why gifts were delivered down
chimneys after midnight.
Gov. Scott Walker – Let’s see, what to get the
governor who has everything? How about a convincing re-election victory over a
solid Democratic opponent. Done that. Republican majorities in both houses of
the Legislature? Got that, too. How about a killer Christmas shopping season
that chips away at a projected state budget deficit through robust sales tax
receipts? Santa’s gift to Walker is other people buying lots of gifts.
The Wisconsin Legislature – “Now Fitz, now Farrow,
now Shilling, she’s no Nixon! On Robin, on Barca, on 63 Republicans primed for
friction! To the top of the budget! To the top of the wall! Pass a state budget
before summer becomes fall!”
U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan – As the next chairman of the
House Ways and Means Committee, the congressional tax-writing panel, Ryan will
deal with some of the nation’s biggest issues – taxes, trade, Social Security,
Medicare, health care and more. But it’s a two-year job that comes with a
catch: A new House rule dictates that committee chairmen must give up their
gavels if they run for another office… let’s say, president. Santa’s present to
Ryan is an Escape Clause (or Claus).
U.S. Sen. Ron Johnson – The Wisconsin Republican will
become chairman of the Senate Homeland Security Committee, and cybersecurity is
among issues on his plate. If Johnson’s past cyber-comments are any clue, he’ll
push for industry-driven cyber standards and legal protections for companies
wanting to share information. Santa’s gift to Johnson is free advice from
home-state hackers on how to think like an attacker.
U.S. Sen. Tammy Baldwin – The Madison Democrat’s
holiday gift came early when she won a seat on the Senate Appropriations
Committee, a panel on which her predecessor, Herb Kohl, served for nearly 20
years. Perhaps Baldwin herself can now play Santa… unless the federal budget
turns into one gigantic lump of coal.
Congressman-elect Glenn Grothman – He was one of 33
members in the Wisconsin Senate and will soon become one of 435 in the U.S.
House of Representatives, a much bigger pond. Swimming against the tide is
rarely a problem for Grothman, however, given his knack for commenting on
homosexuality, women in the work force, liberals and Kwanzaa. Perhaps Santa can
hire Grothman an extra press secretary for mop-up duty.
Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett – Getting things built in
Milwaukee is rarely a slam dunk… and speaking of dunks, the Milwaukee Bucks
want a $400-million arena that includes some public financing. The Milwaukee
Tax Bucks? Also pending is Barrett’s $124-million streetcar proposal, which
would link downtown to the city’s lower east side. While Barrett’s streetcar
may be desired – by him – it may take some heavy lobbying by Santa’s elves to
persuade a skeptical City Council.
UW President Ray Cross – It’s tough enough to
have 17 bosses on the UW Board of Regents, but Cross seems to have picked 132
more in the Wisconsin Legislature. A stocking stuffer for Cross is a copy of
“My Way or the Highway: The Micromanagement Survival Guide.”
Marquette Law School poll director Charles Franklin –
He’s on a roll with nine straight election polls that have predicted the winner
and the margin. Cosmic luck? No, just a system that accurately predicts who
will vote versus who will stay at home and later gripe about the results.
Santa’s gift to Franklin is an “I lie to pollsters” T-shirt.
Supreme Court Justice Ann Walsh Bradley – At first,
Bradley’s expected bid for a third 10-year term on Wisconsin’s highest court
sounded more like a family law case than an election race. Her potential opponent
was Milwaukee County Circuit Judge Rebecca Bradley – no relation – until
Bradley No. 2 dropped out. Bradley No. 1’s main competition is now Rock County
Circuit Judge James Daley. Daley recently suggested that a longstanding ethics
case against Justice David Prosser, who Bradley No. 1 once accused of choking
her, be transferred to Minnesota. Santa’s gift to Bradley: Boxing gloves for
For Wisconsin’s rising political stars: In an era
when sharp personal attacks and partisanship drive more good people away from
politics than it attracts, it’s reassuring to know that some quality
office-holders continue to be attracted to public service. That’s a gift to
Wisconsin citizens. Happy holidays, everyone!